Hello, Reality.

It's around change and death when we really take stock of what we have. I have the change part bearing down on me strongly--the reality of my coming move is setting in. This holiday season (from Thanksgiving to Christmas) has been completely amazing. I have been able to be around friends and family I haven't seen in years, and I have been able to spend solid quality time with those closest to me. Taking stock of what I am about to leave, even though it's only for three years (to begin with), has played with my emotions: I am excited. I am nervous. I am scared. I am ready. I will be brave. I will adjust. I will thrive.

But the home I know may not be here for me when I come back to the States. Interstate 77 will have a new on-ramp by Buehler's. Some of my closest friends will change their last names. Some will begin dating; some will have babies; some will move; some will graduate. People will endure things and change in the process (for better or worse) so that when I come home I will have to become reacquainted with old friends. None of this is huge in and of itself, but it adds up. Life as I knew it is over . . . as dramatic as that sounds.

I've been told it's okay to grieve what I am leaving behind.

Most days I can hold myself together pretty well, but today, grieving is easy and holding back the tears is too hard. My family was given another dose of reality: my uncle Ed, my mom's brother from North Carolina, died just after the new year began. The heart seems to get the Byler family: he passed away from a heart attack.

What was so beautiful about this Christmas was that Ed came up to Ohio to spend ten days with the family here. It had been three years since we had seen Ed--time somehow gets away from everyone--but he was able to take the time this year to be here. God's sovereignty is beautiful especially with the events of this morning. We cherish the moments we had with him. And, oh, how lovely it is to know Ed is with Jesus, basking in peace.

My uncle Ed began supporting me in my journey to India this year. When he first told me of his intentions, I felt humbled: I knew he didn't have much money, but he was giving out of what he had. At the time I felt hugely encouraged by that. Now, I feel doubly blessed to know that he believed in me and supported me. Not that I am going to be on his mind when he sees Jesus and when he sees Grandma, Grandpa and Uncle Simon, but hopefully over the course of them catching up, he'll tell them what I am about to embark on. I like to think they already know.

Tell Grandma, Grandpa and Simon I miss them here.

It's now that I realize what I always take for granted . . . I'll see you next time. Three years really isn't that long and I'll be home in between, but much can happen, especially as my family gets older. When my mom called to tell me the news this morning, my mind jumped a million different places before she told me what had actually happened. I didn't realize I could be so negative! It made me see all the people in my life who are so dear to me. Lord, help me cherish these moments.

So, hello, Reality. The romance is gone. My decisions are made, my course is set.

Lord, give me strength to walk this out.